Stern and a host of other celebrities, including Jimmy Fallon and David Letterman, have been working with barebones staff in an attempt to keep their shows on the air. Letterman has received rave reviews for his work, and so has Fallon. While Fallon and Letterman had no audience, they made the best of what they had and the result was almost a deconstruction of the late night genre itself. Without cheesy dependable laughter, all that matters is the jokes.

Stern has no studio audience but his staff and their apparent laziness became a focal point of his radioshow this week. While Fallon and Letterman praised their hard-working crew, Stern was busy trashing his for their failure to show up. Stern believed that most of his staff could have come in but choose not to because they are lazy and want to use the hurricane as an excuse to stay home.

Stern then segued into discussing the “Late Night Wars”, and how Jimmy Kimmel will now be in direct competition with David Letterman and The Tonight Show. As it turns out Kimmel’s guest tomorrow is David Letterman and Stern took no time in slamming Kimmel for being so close with his “rival”. Stern then asked Kimmel if he was going to ask Letterman about his intern sex scandal. Kimmel smiled but it was clear he wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Everyone is going to be watching wondering if you’re going to ask him about the interns he screwed!” – Howard Stern

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“Stumbled on this image and had a laugh. This was sent to EA back when we were developing A:MR. It was my response to EA Marketing’s repeated demands that we make the game “more mature”.

They wanted more violence, more gore, more sex, more horror and more offensive ’stuff’ – I think they had in mind a sort of Dante’s + Alice thing.

Anyway, after I sent them the “M-Snail” and threatened to put it in the intro sequence of the game they calmed down a bit. Good times.”

Sounds about right from EA, who seem to ruin or water-down whatever franchise they get a hold of. The problem is that when a big company like EA grabs a franchise, they push that company into the “EA Workflow”. I’ve made a handy little graphic to show what I mean, it’s a 10-step process and it actually happens quite fast!

Unfortunately, EA is banking on the popularity and longevity of franchises that have already lost their steam, and although they might be able to fool the general gaming public into thinking their games are “must-have”, more and more gamers are turning away from their favorite game franchises because they’ve been purchased by EA.

A spokesman for Coulter said she feared for the conservative star’s well-being and decided it would be best to call off the event. The cancellation comes mere days after Coulter called President Obama a “retard” on her twitter feed.

Not only did Coulter draw the ire of fellow conservatives but also from special needs organizations. Even Michelle Malkin condemned Coulter for her phrasing, expanding the rift between the two political trolls.

Retard Chris Matthews interrupts Condiinterview to ask about … BIRTHERS!! — Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) August 30, 2012

In a Pay-Per-View event that was new for both hosts, Stewart and O’Reilly met face to face at two podiums for a no-holds-barred debate/argument about the problems facing our nation. Here are some choice clips from the hilarious and thought-provoking evening.

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE JON STEWART / BILL O’REILLY DEBATE (VIDEO)

Bill O’Reilly: Mitt Romney was off by 27%, 20% of us are lazy

Bill O’Reilly: Sandra Fluke is a posterchild of our entitlment society…

Jon Stewart: My Friend Bill O’Reilly… is full of shit.

“Bullshit Mountain”

Jon Stewart Easily Dismantles Bill O’Reilly’s “redistribution” argument:

Jon Stewart Makes the Case for Public Broadcasting 

O’Reilly Jabs Stewart on the deficit.

Jon Stewart: [Wall Street] can no longer privatize their profits and socialize their losses

Jon Stewart: We as a society take care of people who are sick..

Jon Stewart: Democracy in the Middle East means we don’t select their leader

Bill O’Reilly: Obama needs to go on a double-date with Netanyahu!

Stewart mocks O’Reilly about his dated musical taste

Stewart on irrelevance of Fox News ratings, Fox like Lupus

Jon Stewart: ..you run an organization where more people believe the president is muslim than in evolution..

Head to: therumble2012.com to watch the full debate. It’ll cost you $4.99.

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In the original Portal, your character Chell, woke up in an empty room, cut off from the world, a seemingly innocent computer program leads her from puzzle to puzzle, each room a new death trap. While the puzzle’s were addictive, and the Portal gun was a bit of a revelation, what really sold the experience was the world and slow build of the story, the ending was also completely satisfying.

Portal 2 introduced a host of new AI’s and characters and while it might have been more of the same, the story once again elevated it to another level. The ending was a stroke of genius, and by that I mean the interesting place Chell shot her portal gun, you can tell someone had an epiphany one night and KNEW that would be the perfect mind-blowing ending.

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Characters and Motivations

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Portal 2 ended with Chell escaping the Aperture facility, Wheatley spinning around in space, and GlaDOS remaining in the facility, testing with the robots Atlas and P-Body. This creates a new paradigm for the story, Chell is no longer confined, so how will GlaDOS and her cross paths again? The central conflict has always been Chell vs GlaDOS, so how can the series continue if they are separated?

First, lets figure out exactly where each character is and what their motivations are, this way we can narrow down what could feasibly happen without everyone having to suspend their disbelief (that much).

Chell

Current Whereabouts: Somewhere on the surface of earth, has just escaped the Aperture facility with the help of a surprisingly benevolent GlaDOS who saves her life.

Motivations: Shelter, Food, Water, Safety, she is now alone on the surface of a planet she has never seen before. It would actually be very unlikely she would survive on her own if the earth has reverted back to a more natural state. Who knows what other humans would be like at this time period.

Benefits: The Portal Gun Training. Chell has been trained unlike any other human, although it’s not clear if she has her gun at the end or if she has her nifty shoes. She does have the companion cube though.

Negatives: She has no idea what’s outside, what is the new face of humanity? Does she fit in? She’ll have to fend for herself.

GlaDOS

Current Whereabouts: In the Aperture labs, probably testing more human/robot subjects. At the end of Portal 2 after releasing Chell, GlaDOS stays down in Aperture, testing Atlas and P-body.

Motivations: Testing/Excitement.

Benefits: Unlimited intelligence, access to all of Aperture labs, ability to create and control self-aware robots(Atlas/P-body)

Negatives: Stuck in Aperture lab with unquenchable urge to test.

Wheatley:

Current Whereabouts: Floating around in space with Core 1.

Motivations: Wheatley is upset and wants to get back to earth, chances are, if he does return, he will seek revenge against GlaDOS and Chell.

Benefits: Immortal, could float around in space forever, as long as it doesn’t come to close to a planet, sun, or black hole. It’s also worth noting that Wheatley is floating around with Core 1 in space, this could provide some benefit that is currently unknown. Things happen for a reason in this type of story and there is a reason Core 1 ended up where it is.

Negatives: No movement, no way of returning to earth without intervention.

What Will Happen in Portal 3?

So now that we know where the characters are, what they want, and what could help or hinder them, lets take all those things into account when trying to figure out what Portal 3’s story will be like. We also have to take into account Portal’s dark humor and it’s story’s ability to create unique and interesting concepts not usually seen in games. With all this swirling around in your head, here are a few ideas of what could happen in Portal 3:

Chell returns to Aperture on Her Own

The most obvious way to bring Chell and GlaDOS back together would be to have Chell return to Aperture Science for some reason. When she is released we have no idea what the real world is like, so it’s not clear if the outside world is any safer for Chell than Aperture. When Chell wakes up in Portal 2, it is implied she has been asleep for thousands of years, so who knows what could be outside.

GlaDOS Finds Chell.

If Chell doesn’t return on her own, it would be up to GlaDOS to bring her back. This could happen in a few ways and depending on the stakes, GlaDOS might either have to capture her or try to persuade her to return. If GlaDOS were to persuade her, what could GlaDOS possess that Chell would want? If GlaDOS tried to persuade OR kidnap her, she is restricted to the confines of Aperture labs (or at least has been), so it would seem she would have to send Atlas and P-body (or other robots) out to find Chell.

Why would GlaDOS look for Chell?

Wheatley Returns to Earth

Make no mistake, we have not seen the last of Wheatley, it’s not Valve’s style. Oddly enough, Wheatley has the most motivation out of any character. For the most part, characters in the Portal franchise have more or less remained where they are, or have had things get better.. but Wheately was taken down by GlaDOS and Chell working as a team, and sent rocketing off into space.

Although Wheatley’s return might be inevitable, the how and why is still up in the air, Valve has to be careful with how they bring him back. Wheatley coming back could also be what reunites Chell and GlaDOS.

Chell’s New Life in the New World

If Valve decides to do a complete 180 and release Chell into a new environment it will be a very risky move but it could pay off if they somehow merge it into the testing concept that has been a staple of the series. Chances are, Chell is waking up in some sort of apocalyptic world, the sunflowers seem to hint at the idea that nature has taken back over… although I have to admit they do seem a little fake (more on that later).

If Valve decides to take Chell out into the wild, it could be interesting, especially if she had the Portal gun with her. Imagine a Fallout 3 type atmosphere but your only weapon is the Portal gun, instead of solving puzzles, you have to navigate the environment and take out enemies without getting killed.

There is also the possibility that human society is still intact, but has either advanced or reverted technologically. If what the computers in Aperture said are true, it’s been thousands of years past any human civilization  Chell would recognize. That means if Chell runs into a human, it might not look like humans did during her time. If there are humans, it is unlikely the world is in a utopia state and chances are Chell will be dragged into any conflict that is taking place with humans on earth.

Regardless, Chell will still meet up with GlaDOS/Wheatley at some point, so that event will have to be taken into account when theorizing this storyline.

GlaDOS Tests New Subjects

One possibility for Portal 3 is that Chell is not the main character. The Co-op mode in Portal 2 strongly hints at the idea that GlaDOS has found new human test subjects, so it is not too far-fetched that in the next Portal you will once again wake up in a white room, but this time as someone new.

It’s hard to imagine how doing the story in this way would provide much excitement, since players already know GlaDOS and what her deal is. It could be interesting depending on the new gameplay mechanic Valve chooses for the next game. It’s still not out of the realm of possibility that Chell will return to release the new test subjects. It’s also possible the new test subjects could contain a familiar face from another franchise.

Chell never escaped.

After watching the end of Portal 2 several times, it’s hard to understand why GlaDOS would simply let Chell go. In the end of Portal 1, after an explosion, Chell is dragged back to Aperture and put to sleep for several thousand years. In the end of Portal 2, Chell similiarly assumes she has escaped could it be that this is just more of GlaDOS manipulation? If you watch the ending scene of Portal 2, when Chell sees the outdoors, its looks perfect, almost heavenly. We, like Chell, are under the assumption this is the real outdoors and Chell has finally escaped.. but the viewer and Chell also make the assumption that GlaDOS has no control over any of the surface. In actuality, GlaDOS could control the entire planet, her megacomplex structure growing unchecked. If humanity has ended, there’s nothing to stop GlaDOS from building above ground.

Reaching the surface shows how insulated the character has been in Aperture, upon reaching the surface, we realize we have no idea what the current state of earth is. On top of that, we also realize we know nearly nothing about GlaDOS, we don’t know her limits, we don’t know what she knows, what she can control. All this time she hasn’t even mentioned the outside world to Chell, of course we know the past but what’s happening on the surface while Chell is testing? Does GlaDOS, in it’s thousands of years of scheming hold dominion of the earth’s surface too?

Things that might be important:
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1. The Turret Uprising

During Portal 2, it almost seems as if the Turrets have become self-aware and have begun to organize their rise against GlaDOS. Could there be a civil war down in Aperture labs? It seems likely. GlaDOS’ constant meddling with the turrets shape/form/programming has resulted in mutations that seem to have lead to the turrets gaining higher intelligence. Their song to Chell as she leaves was a very strange scene but it might be a glimpse at where the story could be headed. Perhaps in the next Portal, the turrets will be your allies, rather than machines you have to destroy or avoid.

2. Atlas and P-body

While Atlas and P-body appear to only be testing subjects for GlaDOS, they are also becoming more and more human as they test with her. Much like the turrets, the constant abuse, assembling, re-assembling, and re-programming has resulted in the appearance of human characteristics.  In the future this could become a Perfect Storm against GlaDOS. If the turrets, Atlas, P-body, and Chell somehow manage to join up to take down GlaDOS, she might not stand a chance. Atlas and P-body are ticking time bombs, soon they will realize GlaDOS is immoral and does not care about their well-being… the question is, what will they do then?

3. Companion Cubes

The Companion Cubes have always added a bit of mystery to the series, although they appear to only be boxes, it is hinted there is more about the companion cubes we don’t know. Knowing Valve, the companion cube that is delivered to Chell at the end of Portal 2 has more to it than meets the eye. The gesture from GlaDOS is actually kind of cute, it assumes Chell will be lonely on the surface, so it gives her something it thinks will comfort her, sort of like a Teddy Bear. It would not be surprising if the cube was also to monitor Chell, in fact it would make a lot of sense. It’s doubtful GlaDOS would release Chell into the world without finding some way to keep track of her.

4. The Portal Gun and The Moon

The Portal Gun is a prototype being tested by Chell since the first Portal, in the end of Portal 2, we discover that the Portal gun is powerful enough to shoot all the way to through the vaccuum of space, to the moon. When this happens, it almost takes Chell and part of Aperture science with it. The Portal gun is a truly devastating weapon that, in theory could destroy worlds. Was GlaDOS aware the gun was this powerful? Has testing made her aware? It’s clear the gun is incredibly dangerous, what would happen if you were to shoot a portal at the ground on earth, and another at the sun? If a mass was big enough, could it PULL something like earth through the size of a portal? On the surface of Earth, the Portal gun becomes an incredibly dangerous weapon, one shot in the wrong direction and you could destroy a planet.

5. Doug Rattman, Cave Johnson, Caroline

In Portal 2 we are introduced to a host of new but never-seen characters. Doug Rattman, the crazy man stuck in Aperture, attempting to help Chell. Cave Johnson the voice of the former CEO of Aperture Science and Caroline, his wife, who’s conscienceness was uploaded into Aperture sciences computers, and eventually became GlaDOS. It is theorized that Caroline was also Chell’s mother. It’s clear that these characters will somehow play into the future of Portal. It would not be surprising if Cave Johnson had some surprises up his sleeve that we have not seen yet. Valve may or may not delve into Chell’s past, to be honest, it almost doesn’t matter, explaining things too much would take away from the mystery of the GlaDOS/Chell relationship. Doug Rattman seems like the type of character that emerges at the last moment and sacrifices himself for Chell, perhaps something like that will take place in Portal 3.

6. The Next Portal Weapon

Both Portal 1 and 2 introduced new and unique weapons that more or less shaped their respective games. For Portal 1, the Portal gun was introduced and players were given the ability to hop between two points instantly. In Portal 2, gels were added that changed the physics of the environment, depending on the color of the gel, you could either run fast on it’s surface, bounce off it’s surface, or shoot a portal on it’s surface. While not as revolutionary as the first game’s mechanic, the gels have added a “cool” factor and an almost Mirror’s Edge-like vibe. That’s all well and nice but what about Portal 3? What will be the big inovation in this title? Some believe it will be the ability to PULL two points together, changing all the geometry in between. Whatever the weapon is, it will have a large effect on the story and it will have to be able to be combined with both weapons from the last two games.

7. The Borealis

The Borealis is a ship mentioned in both Half-Life 2: Episode 1/2 and also appears in Portal 2.  It was created by Aperture Science and holds technology involving teleportation on a large scale (bigger than the portal gun). The Borealis ship mysteriously disappears from the Half-Life timeline and pops up in Aperture Science. The ship is rumored to appear in Half-Life 2: Episode 3, where Gordon will attempt to find the ship, along with the Combine. What remains to be seen is what happened to the crew of the Borealis after their teleporation mishap. It seems the key to the crossover is The Borealis but it’s still unclear where Chell is in all of this. Did Gordon already discover the ship in the past? Was he put to sleep? Will he be one of the new thawed test subjects? It’s unclear now, but it’s starting to seem like Gordon might have already met GlaDOS

8. Valve’s ability to top itself and surprise.

Above all things, we must remember Valve’s ability to top itself and surprise us. From Half-life, to Portal, To Left4Dead, Valve always finds new ways to intrigue gamers or make them think. If the ending of Portal 2 proved anything, it’s that we haven’t even scratched the surface of what the Portal Gun, or what the Valve Team is capable of. That one idea, of the Portal Gun hitting the moon, might be the most innovative ending to a videogame of all time. Valve took a gun you’ve used a thousand times and somehow still found a way to make gamers’ jaws drop. It’s pretty incredible.

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This was a little longer than I expected but hopefully an entertaining read, I find that thinking about games is also a big part of the fun of gaming. I think we are in good hands with Valve as storytellers but it’s still fun to speculate in the meantime. If you have any Portal 3 ideas of your own, don’t be afraid to leave them in the comments.

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As a big fan of Little Big Planet and also a person that harbors massive opinions, I have spent time mulling over what I’d like to see in Little Big Planet 3. Here goes:

Ditch the 2.5 Levels and go True 3d

Although there are many possibilities with the current set-up, I think 2.5d Little Big Planet has run it’s course. Little Big Planet Kart Racing is a great start to expanding the Little Big Planet universe but I think an even better way would be to move to a real 3d engine.

Think Minecraft minus the mining, plus the Little Big Planet pop-it menu. It would really be perfect and if given the right tools the engine could be revolutionary. Minecraft is nice but something about it just feels gimped and I think it’s because I’m used to being able to edit terrain and other things easily with a pop-it menu. If Media Molecule nailed the new 3d engine, and made it similar to Minecraft but with rounded edges and the usual Little Big Planet art style, it could be a huge hit.

Sackboy Needs an Animation Studio

Lets be honest, although you can make Sackboy “act” and manipulate the camera in certain ways, it’s a far cry from being able to control characters how you want. From having a character walk to and pick up an object, to having trees sway in the breeze, Media Molecule needs to implement a powerful but simple animation system.

On top of this there needs to be a bigger focus on designing elements for levels, and also designing characters. This could be an incredible tool for aspiring designers and could give younger gamers interested in gaming design a first step into the design world.

It’s time to Introduce Real Programming

This goes hand in hand with the Animation/Design studio. Although there is a great set of tools in Little Big Planet 1/2, there are still barriers from doing certain things. Players simply don’t have enough control over what happens, and this becomes very apparent in situations with boss characters, or in situations where the games physics/gemoetry cause glitches/deaths.

Now that players can completely control the animation and design of their characters, they should also be able to go past the simple options in the game to more advanced progamming. If Media Molecule creates an engine that is advanced enough, players could create games that look nothing like Little Big Planet, they could utilize their own art styles and create their own gaming engine.

Let Little Big Planet users Sell Their Levels

With the other ideas on this list, players can essentially create their own games, it’s time to take things to the next level and create a marketplace. This could be revolutionary and a great way to kick off Sony’s new Orbis, players could receive their earnings either as PSN cash, or through some sort of paypal partnership, they’d get it deposited directly into their account. This would create a huge incentive to play Little Big Planet and to also invest time in learning it and animating with it. It could give a whole generation of gamers their own toolset to learn gaming design.

RPG/FPS Tools

I can’t tell you how popular features like this would make this game. If players have the tools to create RPG games or FPS levels, the possibilities are really endless, esppecially when those ideas are combined with the previous new featured I mentioned.

Perhaps my ideas are far-fetched and stupid but I’d rather dream big than be underwhelmed. If Media Molecule can pull off even one of these ideas I will be happy (although I know they could do all of them if they were given the time/funds). Here’s hoping they exceed my lofty expectations